Now if my NIN tickets would get here already….

While the amazing in-house team does a spectacular job writing these pages, they are looking for some help. Check out Jason’s blog post for more info.

The hard working How-To team at Mahalo posted a bunch of brand spanking new articles this week:

How to Poach Chicken
How to Make Spring Rolls
How to Make a Toga
How to Make Friends Online
How to Make Bread Pudding
How to Buy a Timeshare
How to Make a White Russian
How to Write a Check
How to Speak Russian
How to Make a Sex on the Beach
How to Make a Long Island Iced Tea
How to Make Potato Salad
How to Make Egg Salad
How to Bleach Hair
How to Write a Children’s Book
How to Become a Substitute Teacher
How to Make Iced Coffee
How to Write a Love Poem
How to Arrange Flowers

Ok, word has come out exactly how the Stanley Cup was dented as Cheli’s Chili Bar a couple weeks ago… Seems the very studly Brett Lebda, well um, dropped it. This Detroit Free Press article is hilarious:

How the Wings dented the Stanley Cup

Chris Chelios’ errant pass to Brett Lebda reportedly dented the Stanley Cup.

NHL spokeswoman Bernadette Mansur said June 7 the Stanley Cup got a slight dent Friday after some players took the trophy to Cheli’s Chili Bar, owned by Chris Chelios.

TSN host James Duthie reports what happened to the Cup. Here is what he wrote on the Ottawa Citizen’s web site.

“Chelios was atop the bar, Coyote Ugly style, Cup in hand, with the packed crowd cheering madly. At some point there was an attempted handoff to Brett Lebda. Whether it was the chaos of the crowd, or the…umm…content of the blood, balance was lost. Down went Lebda. Down went Stanley.

“And no, the dent wasn’t “slight”. In fact, it needed emergency service. Mike Bolt, the Keeper of the Cup, was taken to Joe Louis Arena, where Stan, like a forward who took a puck in the eye, was placed gently on the trainer’s table in the Red Wings dressing room, and operated on. Bolt had to use a hammer to carefully pop the dent out, a procedure that resembled neurosurgery in its intricacy. One of the bands that contain all the names popped off at one point.”

The Free Press asked Lebda and Chelios about the dent. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lebda said. “I didn’t drop it. That’s a bad rumor going around.”

Said Chelios: “I’m not saying nothing. I looked at the Cup today — there’s no dings in it. There’s nothing wrong with it. So it’s a rumor. A bad rumor.”

Chris Osgood Gets To Third Base With Stanley Cup

LOS ANGELES—Sources within the Red Wings organization confirm that goalie Chris Osgood, who is currently engaged in accompanying the Stanley Cup on a victory tour of talk shows and publicity events, has repeatedly and insistently claimed to have gotten as far as third base with hockey’s championship trophy during the past week.

On Tuesday night Osgood, teammate Nicklas Lidstrom, and the Stanley Cup made an appearance on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno during which Osgood was seen repeatedly touching and attempting to hold the Cup. Witnesses say that after the segment had taped, Lidstrom left for the airport, while Osgood and the Cup left together for the Four Seasons Hotel.

Housekeeping staff said Wednesday morning that the Cup’s room had not been slept in.

When asked for comment, Osgood himself initially refused to give details.

“Listen, it’s tradition for us to all kiss the Cup. But I’m not one of those hockey players who are always saying ‘I’m gonna fuck that Stanley Cup,’” Osgood told ESPN’s Jim Rome when asked about his involvement with the trophy on Wednesday’s Jim Rome Is Burning. “I mean, everyone dreams of winning the Cup, that’s only natural. But it’s not like that with me. Come on, man.”

However, when Rome attempted to change the subject to Osgood’s long and tumultuous Detroit career, Osgood, apparently warming to the subject, continued to talk about his relationship with the Cup.

“Okay, now, I’m not saying there isn’t—it’s a powerful feeling, when you win the Cup, and sometimes that leads to other feelings that are just as powerful,” Osgood continued. “Things happen, but you and the Cup both want them to happen, and you go back to the hotel and ask it to watch Dirty Dancing, and eventually maybe you get into some up and over, or there’s some up and down and underneath, or maybe—I’m not saying this happened, but you know—maybe there’s more than one way to kiss the Cup.”

“A better way,” a grinning Osgood added as an evidently stunned Rome remained mute. “A way that brings the Cup as much pleasure as the Cup brings you. Or the great city of Detroit, for that matter.”

Reaction from the world of hockey has, predictably, been mixed. Although the Stanley Cup is more revered than other trophies, perhaps because of its accessibility, not everyone is comfortable with the prospect of it being involved in mild to moderate sexual contact with a player.

“I know that every player on the winning team gets a day with the Cup. That’s just tradition,” said Detroit hockey fan Roy Wertree. “And no one deserves that day more than Chris, because he really got us through the Finals. And I know he and the Cup are both old enough to make their own decisions, but I don’t know. Something about Osgood and the cup gratifying one another in a sensual fashion is just weird.”

“Why would he even want to?” asked Grosse Point’s Meg McEntyre. “I mean, the Stanley cup is older than he is, for one thing. And do you know how many guys must have kissed it over the years?”

Although the NHL has not officially commented on the event, sources within the organization say that Osgood’s experience may not be unique.

“For years there have been rumors that the Stanley Cup had been involved in unusual relationships with top players,” said ESPN’s Barry Melrose. “Mark Messier was rumored to appear late at night outside the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto in the offseason, shouting the Cup’s name until the police could escort him home. Wayne Gretzky was once seen standing between his furious wife Janet and the Stanley Cup in the corridor of the Edmonton Hilton, clad only in a towel and repeatedly denying that the Cup was destroying their marriage. And Gordie Howe’s career was haunted by rumors that he allowed the Cup to tie him to seedy hotel beds. It’s all part of why this is the greatest sport in the world.”

I went out to the bar last night, same bar I generally go to every Saturday night, with the same group of people. This time was different, something was not right. I did not feel welcome in the group I was in. I asked myself why I even bother hanging around these people who are so very different than I am. Yes we always go there Saturday nights, but the tradition of the gathering should not be the only reason to go. I should want to go, want to be in that company, but I don’t. There wasn’t one thing that set me off, it was a multitude of things. I didn’t want to be there, but I didn’t drive and was not about to walk miles home, at night, through a nasty neighborhood. So I stuck it out.

Now I am faced with a decision. I am supposed to go out of town with this crew next weekend. i know it will be a good time. Its a trip to an island that pretty much has bars, restaurants and more bars. It was fun last year, besides the terrifying boat ride there. I hate boats, I don’t go on boats and I don’t eat fish. Pretty sure they talked me into riding on this boat last year and while we were there the boat company crashed two boats. Anyways, I really cannot see myself going on this trip this year, at least with this crew. If I get there and feel like I did last night there is no walking home. i am stuck there, for a full day. Yeah I do like *some* of the people that are going, but are absolutely disgusted by some of the others. I was thinking of taking a date, then I could just hang with him and ignore the bitches, but I don’t even think that would be fun. I would still be stuck with the crew all day and in the party limo on the ride there and back (like an hour each way). Something tells me bad blood plus way to many drinks (last year we lost count around 20 beers each) would make for bad news. But then again it might be fun, I don’t know. I have until Thursday to decide, so they can give a final count to the limo people. I am thinking of going with my instinct, which tells me to stay home. We will see….

UPDATE:  I have decided not to go.  I would rather stay in town, avoid the drama and spend the $200+ I would have wasted there on beer and transportation on something more worthwhile, like another dog maybe…

Big thanks to the guys over a Knob Hockey for this clip. Good to have something to laugh about in this sad day in Hockeytown.