One of my twitter buddies sent this out and I liked it so much I had to repost it. Check out the original source to get the full effect of this hilarious true story, reprinted from The Onion.

Chris Osgood Gets To Third Base With Stanley Cup

LOS ANGELES—Sources within the Red Wings organization confirm that goalie Chris Osgood, who is currently engaged in accompanying the Stanley Cup on a victory tour of talk shows and publicity events, has repeatedly and insistently claimed to have gotten as far as third base with hockey’s championship trophy during the past week.

On Tuesday night Osgood, teammate Nicklas Lidstrom, and the Stanley Cup made an appearance on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno during which Osgood was seen repeatedly touching and attempting to hold the Cup. Witnesses say that after the segment had taped, Lidstrom left for the airport, while Osgood and the Cup left together for the Four Seasons Hotel.

Housekeeping staff said Wednesday morning that the Cup’s room had not been slept in.

When asked for comment, Osgood himself initially refused to give details.

“Listen, it’s tradition for us to all kiss the Cup. But I’m not one of those hockey players who are always saying ‘I’m gonna fuck that Stanley Cup,’” Osgood told ESPN’s Jim Rome when asked about his involvement with the trophy on Wednesday’s Jim Rome Is Burning. “I mean, everyone dreams of winning the Cup, that’s only natural. But it’s not like that with me. Come on, man.”

However, when Rome attempted to change the subject to Osgood’s long and tumultuous Detroit career, Osgood, apparently warming to the subject, continued to talk about his relationship with the Cup.

“Okay, now, I’m not saying there isn’t—it’s a powerful feeling, when you win the Cup, and sometimes that leads to other feelings that are just as powerful,” Osgood continued. “Things happen, but you and the Cup both want them to happen, and you go back to the hotel and ask it to watch Dirty Dancing, and eventually maybe you get into some up and over, or there’s some up and down and underneath, or maybe—I’m not saying this happened, but you know—maybe there’s more than one way to kiss the Cup.”

“A better way,” a grinning Osgood added as an evidently stunned Rome remained mute. “A way that brings the Cup as much pleasure as the Cup brings you. Or the great city of Detroit, for that matter.”

Reaction from the world of hockey has, predictably, been mixed. Although the Stanley Cup is more revered than other trophies, perhaps because of its accessibility, not everyone is comfortable with the prospect of it being involved in mild to moderate sexual contact with a player.

“I know that every player on the winning team gets a day with the Cup. That’s just tradition,” said Detroit hockey fan Roy Wertree. “And no one deserves that day more than Chris, because he really got us through the Finals. And I know he and the Cup are both old enough to make their own decisions, but I don’t know. Something about Osgood and the cup gratifying one another in a sensual fashion is just weird.”

“Why would he even want to?” asked Grosse Point’s Meg McEntyre. “I mean, the Stanley cup is older than he is, for one thing. And do you know how many guys must have kissed it over the years?”

Although the NHL has not officially commented on the event, sources within the organization say that Osgood’s experience may not be unique.

“For years there have been rumors that the Stanley Cup had been involved in unusual relationships with top players,” said ESPN’s Barry Melrose. “Mark Messier was rumored to appear late at night outside the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto in the offseason, shouting the Cup’s name until the police could escort him home. Wayne Gretzky was once seen standing between his furious wife Janet and the Stanley Cup in the corridor of the Edmonton Hilton, clad only in a towel and repeatedly denying that the Cup was destroying their marriage. And Gordie Howe’s career was haunted by rumors that he allowed the Cup to tie him to seedy hotel beds. It’s all part of why this is the greatest sport in the world.”

Very upset about Game 5. Very very upset. Like millions of Wings fans i was jumping up and down, celebrating the victory. 34.7 seconds left that all changed, as my jaw dropped when Talbot tapped it in. I was devastated. After nearly another entire game later, in the third OT the cocky SOB Sykora got past Ozzie on the power play. I am still devastated. Yes we have two more chances left, including one at home, but we were so damn close, 34.7 seconds away. Sad day in Hockeytown. 24 hours later it is still very disappointing, 34.7 seconds. But that has to be motivation for the boys in red, being so close and having it all taken away. Motivation to do better next game, win it in Pittsburgh and disappoint their fans just as we were disappointed Monday night. I still have complete faith that the Wings will prevail. Just like we said in 98, I Believe! Now if I could just be as patient…

Big thanks to the guys over a Knob Hockey for this clip. Good to have something to laugh about in this sad day in Hockeytown.

GRRR… two more days until the Stanley Cup Finals begin. I am waiting, but far from patiently. What makes me more upset is how non-hockey or even non-sports fans do not understand the importance of seeing the games. I was recently told “Oh just Tivo the game and watch it later, so you can come out with me.” Um… no! Its not pre-season, its not exhibition or a throw-a-way game, its the flipping Finals! To make matters worse, there are three games where the Wings and Pistons, in the East Finals, play at the EXACT SAME TIME, like really WTF? Backoff and let me watch my sports.

And now something completely unrelated, this is good, rock music and hockey, two of my favorite things:

So I am a bit new to this thing, only succeeded at messing everything up so far. Stay tuned, I have broccoli!

Here is something to entertain you, while you are waiting