Ok so continuing my rant about things that piss me off, I have decided to write a list of deal breakers when it comes to my men. I have had a bad stretch here lately. Sure they have been good in the sack, but far from keepers.

1. No drunk dialing or texting. Don’t get all wasted and call me. I will follow the same rule. This also applies to if you are with me and we are both drunk and you call another bitch. Completely unacceptable.

2. No military. Don’t romance me, then a month later go off to war for two years. I have complete support for our military, just have no desire to date them. Been there, done that.

3. I am not your mother. I will not clean up after you, do your laundry or pay your bills.

4. Don’t fuck with my dogs or my car, both are off limits and include taking my dogs anywhere without my permission and driving my car.

5. If I am busy, back off. If I say I am busy, I am. Don’t call me every five minutes or tell me it can’t wait. Unless you are missing a limb or something else along those lines, wait, I will get to you when I am good and ready.

6. My house is not your house. You don’t live here, I do. That means no getting up in the middle of the night to cook, leave the stove on and pass out in the plate of half eaten food on my couch.

7. Don’t bring drugs to my house. This includes showing up under the influence or buying and selling on my property. Short story: addicts need not apply.

8. No name tattoos. Do not tattoo my name, picture, likeness on your skin becuase i have no intention to tattoo you on me. Any other tattoos, excluding those discriminatory or idiotic, are encouraged.

9. Must like sports. Ok, I know this seems like an easy one, but there are actually grown men out there that do not follow or play any type of sport whatsoever. If anything, a man should know about sports than I do, come on I am a girl.

10. (I am leaving this one open as I am sure I will discover something I have forgotten soon.)

Additional notes:

Do not even try if you are unemployed, married, in prison, smell bad, homeless, a liar, a cheater, a thief, an ex of one of my friends, missing teeth, terminally ill, like to touch feet, screw animals or touch little boys (or girls for that matter).